Above the Sway

Amidst an incessant quest for likes, retweets, favorites, and hypes, it's easy to imagine a modern world in which we all take ourselves and each other a bit too seriously.  But is it easy to justify this lifestyle?

I'm as guilty of this practice as anyone.  If Facebook and Twitter have taught us anything, it's that there's at least one person out there who will find your most recent paper cut a cute and charming anecdote rather than a frivolous and pitiful demonstration of delicacy, a label to which my grandparents would most likely cling.

While most of us don't go so far as to document every hair on our chinny chin chins, we do often treat something as minuscule as last night's ravioli as if it's a masterpiece worthy of universal reverence.  Now, this is not to say such amusement is completely unwarranted or reprehensible in the least.  The problem in my mind lies in society's blind acceptance of an unnecessary reality.

How, you might ask, can I critique the web so harshly when the mere existence of my *blog* would be impossible without the very platform on which all social media rests?  Well, I'm not going to argue that the internet doesn't possess a host of unprecedented networking and sharing opportunities.  What I will maintain is that humanity has fallen, if subconsciously and/or half-heartedly, into a trap of inundation rather than of flotation.  What I mean by this is, we should not feel as though we have to post duck faces or blatant expressions of inadequacy every day in order to feel beautiful and wanted.  On the contrary, we should open up social media as we would a mailbox--something of occasional pleasure or benefit--rather than as we would a refrigerator--something that feeds our survival.

If you truly enjoy creating tiny microcosm upon microcosm of your life on the web, then by all means, do so.  The materials are right there at your disposal.  But please, realize that moderation and disassociation are entirely in your power if you so choose.

Even a rock can sink, but only the most buoyant of mind can float.

Rise above,
Amanda :)

Collar: Ann Taylor (out of stock; similar style ON SALE here).  Top: ON SALE at Banana Republic.  Pants: ON SALE at Banana Republic.  Shoes: H&M (old).

All photos by Eric Pan.

Tell Me About Myself

We're all bent on getting our own answers in a world fraught with questions and the remedies others impose on us.  To be certain, we are hungry for answers both about our own psychology and about the individual thoughts and ideas that underly it.  

At the same time, while most of our questions certainly trace back to our own brains alone, we tend to seek solutions primarily from other sources, such as family, friends, journals, or daytime TV.  One long-trusted window into our inner workings is the beloved Personality Test.

Perhaps a product of an underlying feeling that personal intuitions about ourselves must be false or that a better psychological expert exists, our desire to grab at others' explanations of our unique behavior appears somewhat fishy.

This is not to say that partaking of external psychological help or insight of any kind is fruitless.  On the contrary, my personality reading of ISFJ (Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging) was pretty nearly right on, especially considering there were 16 available options.

It's true, I am "very supportive," "loyal and hardworking," "imaginative and observant."  And I can let my perhaps excessive altruism and tendency to overload myself get the best of me sometimes.  But what isn't true is that I define myself solely by these and like characteristics. 

I would never describe myself as a "sentinel," constantly keeping watch on the sidelines of the doers and winners in life.  While I may be more cautious and hesitant in forming my words and entering a new environment relative to others, I am most definitely a go-getter in my own right, most notably at times when I approach a friend who needs a hand or take the initiative in the oft-terrifying internship search. :)  Particularly devoid of any sort of standard measure for comparison as to "how comfortable you are at the center of attention" or "how flexible you are," this and most other tests of inner soul are inherently flawed.

As much as I enjoy quantifying and structuring abstractions to the best of my ability, personality is not a stable measure, but a dynamic phenomenon that we can never fully measure at all.

So next time anyone tells you, "You'll never make it as a lawyer because you're too sensitive" or "You'll never understand my feelings because you're too analytical," go ahead and tell them the only label you're espousing is that of an open mind, a forgiving heart, and venturing spirit.  It's survival of the fittest, baby, so while you're over there counting your problems, I'll be here deleting mine.

Stay humble and warm out there, everyone!

Amanda :)

Fur pullover: ON SALE at Banana Republic.  Pants: Currently 40% off with Code ENJOY at Ann Taylor. :) Bag: Michael Kors (old).  Shoes: H&M (old).

All photos by Eric Pan.

High Resolution

I'm not saying I'm superstitious in even the least bit...but I will use the Chinese Zodiac to my advantage wherever I can.  Well, in a fortuitous twist of fate, it just so happens that 2014 is the year of the stately vigor that is the Horse, as opposed to the malicious slime that is the Snake of 2013.  Why not accept this as a sign of promise and resilience in the shadow of any doubt and regret? :)

This past year has probably been one of the most exciting and anxiety-provoking of my life, two qualities which often go hand-in-hand in my experience.  My hope for the new year is that I will release the lingering tension that has accumulated in my psyche and that I will reach a new, unobstructed high--a place where I can accomplish my every goal in a manner I feel good about, regardless of how anyone else may feel.  This year is about my professional and emotional development, not about a desire to appease others or to satisfy some truly illogical level of perfectionism.  In an unprecedented feat of organization, I write below my resolutions for 2014.

1. Become more organized (surprise, surprise).

While my intuition often tells me to delay the cleaning and systematizing until I finish that last page or that looming essay, my reason instructs me to prevent the unnecessary hunting and sifting through data and sanity by organizing my obligations in addition to my recreational activities in a timely and perhaps formulaic way.  This habit will also guarantee decreased tardiness in response and arrival time. 

2. Continue to foster communication instead of passive aggression with my compatriots. :)

Misunderstandings can easily manifest into contempt.  Save yourself the lifelong scorn and welcome open dialogue from the get-go.

3. Contrast outside compulsion with genuine drive to achieve a certain end.

Don't confuse someone else's intentions for you with your own--for yourself and for the world.  Do it your way with your say on your day.

4. Learn to appreciate moments more than memories.

5. Spend less time on social media (except when absolutely necessary, as when I need to post blog updates :) ).

6. Maintain high expectations of myself, but lower those of others.

7. Respect myself more, and never think for a second that I don't deserve the best for myself.

8. Take more time to be cognizant of and admire the favorable and shaping characteristics of those most close to me--proximity- and genetics-wise.

9. Publish a meaningful and consequential Legal Studies Thesis in March.

10. Study hard, and ace the LSAT in October!

And so proclaimed the New Years pledge, to build my strength and diminish the edge. 

Best wishes for an enlightening, an industrious, and most importantly a happy New Year!

Love,

Amanda :)

Top: J. Crew (old, similar here.)  Scarf: Express (old).  Pants: Ann Taylor.  Headband: Saks Fifth Avenue (old).  Coat: North Face.  Shoes: Nordstrom (old).

All photos courtesy of Sean Su.

This Side of Prejudice

"I remember the first time I questioned my existence on this Earth. Disregarding all the philosophical dimensions of being and the state of nature more abstractly, I narrowed my focus to the reasons for which I was “here,” in St. Louis, Missouri as a five-year-old Caucasian girl in 1998. Rather than delving into the metaphysical question of “Am I here?” I asked myself, “Why am I here?” and “How am I here?” The immigration of my ancestors over the past 350 years explains the former. Unfortunately yet inevitably, some degree of collective white shame explains the latter."

With this paragraph, I began an essay discussing my proposed solution to the involvement of Northwestern University's founder, John Evans, in the Sand Creek Massacre (see Careful Inspection).  While I chose to focus this essay on the pragmatic remedies to be made with regard to Sand Creek, I now elect to delve into the issue raised quite deliberately in the final sentence: collective white shame.

On the one hand, I constantly ask myself, Why have I been so blessed as to benefit from the spoken and unspoken advantages given to non-first-generation white Americans?  On the other hand, right wing pundits and also the formidable, inspirational pride asserted by certain minority and social groups suggest that maybe no such significant discrepancies exist.

However, despite intimations of the contrary, I am convinced that America and certainly the world at large is not acting in complete accordance with The International Bill of Human Rights.

Perhaps my thesis studies on women's asylum procedures have spurred my recent feelings of guilt on account of my race, nationality, religion, political opinion, and membership in a particular social group (which so happen to be the five grounds for persecution according to the Geneva Convention).  Notwithstanding grave matters of human rights violations, the fact is that I've never in my life had to move from the nation I called home to a brand new one.  I've never been forced to learn a whole new language on top of my native one.  And most of all, I've never had to and will never have to live with the residual aftermath of these events and the ethnic, linguistic, racial or any other type of discrimination that accompanies it.

Maybe I'm blowing this whole concern out of the water.  Maybe I shouldn't feel so guilty for being who I am, for possessing the advantages that I do, for automatically bypassing hurdles that others face everyday.  It's true; I'm often way harder on myself than I need to be, and I've expressed considerable gratitude for my blessings and support for those who aren't quite as lucky.  Despite all the empathy and hope I've voiced, however, I can't help but feel ashamed not by what I have done but by what society has done thus far in order to afford white Americans this undoubtedly privileged status.  While disadvantaged individuals can certainly achieve remarkable success in the long run, why do they have to work twice as hard to get it as I do?  Sure, I have my own obstacles to face; we all do.  But race is something that just cannot be changed.

Lest I rack my brain to eternity on this issue, the only solution I can come up with is actually quite simple: to do everything in my power to encourage people of diverse cultures to spread their unparalleled knowledge and gifts, and to increase broader understanding of the advantages in melting the pot.  Though it's sometimes more tempting to commiserate solely with people like you, you could be missing something big, something life-altering by neglecting people who aren't so much like you.  I for one have gained what I would consider groundbreaking insight after coming to college, befriending the people I have and debating the people I haven't.  Furthermore, whereas some individuals choose to "erase race" and pretend as if no differences exist, I prefer to uncover and embrace the unique perspectives and lifestyles that only such variations can bring to the table.  The answer is not the erasure of differences, but the acceptance and welcoming of them.  Your brain is a lot more capable than you think; give it the chance to take in some challenging viewpoints and partake of meaningful new cultures.

Be not ashamed of the advantages you possess, but be open to the many ways in which you can enrich them through others and share them with the world.

Absorb, grow, and sow the seeds of community, yes, and of partition, no.

Amanda :)

Sweater: J. Crew (old).  Jeans: Bebe (old).  Scarf: Zara (old).  Shoes: Ann Taylor.

All photos courtesy of Alex Zhu.

Stride and Go Seek

What is expertise, and how do we learn it?  Does it refer exclusively to knowledge accrued in an educational or vocational setting, or can it also recognize achievements in time management, cooking, public speaking, care giving, team building, and gerrymandering?

Well, I believe it's the latter definition.  If you devote more than 15% of your waking life to a certain capacity, it's probably something at which you have worked hard to become adept.  Without such proficiency in frequent tasks, I for one would feel quite stressed until I allotted the time necessary to qualify myself for the job.

Nonetheless, the question remains, Who teaches us these essential, if mundane skills?  Is it our teachers, our parents, our friends, strangers, ourselves?  How do we know where to look for guidance in the first place?

While many of us are blessed with amazing role models who share insight and even teach us some of these skills themselves, every one of us is likely to encounter a situation in which prior wisdom and direction simply cannot help us.  What can we do in such instances?

This past week was one of the most hectic of my life, for a number of reasons, but primarily because I was tasked with the overwhelming duty of soliciting dozens of food donations for an upcoming fundraiser.  Granted, the fundraising chair should be a little less clueless in her navigations of the donation domain, but it's tough when you're the sole person assigned to this task, without much counsel and with plenty of criticism.

When it comes to onerous jobs like fundraising, the truth of the matter is you're not going to find a lot of helpers offering up their assistance nilly willy.  While still respecting others' time and your own responsibilities to the task, you've got to take the initiative and ask for help from colleagues, friends, passersby--wherever you can get it and whenever you need it.  If you can't think of a relevant specialist off the top of your head, chances are one of your contacts will surprise you.

No matter what any higher power (or your parents) intended for you in this life, I know it didn't involve complete solitude and independence.  Don't be afraid to recruit the expertise of the billions of other humans out there, for their example will very likely mold your own approach for the better, and will perhaps foster a degree of camaraderie in the process.

~While staying true to her own technique, she admired her surroundings and all she could seek.~

Ask someone for help this week. :)
Amanda

Hat: BCBG Max Azria (old).  Blazer: J. Crew (old; similar here).  Shirt: J. Crew (old; similar here).  Tie: J. Crew (old).  Coat: Saks Fifth Avenue (old.)

All photos courtesy of Alex Zhu.

Never a Moment Too Late

Your lover, your best friend, your roommate, your coworker, your boss, that guy down the street who delivers chicken wings.  

Do you think they would have ever assumed those particular titles had you judged them based on your first five minutes of interaction?  Not even the chicken wing guy would be who he is today had you not given him a second chance.

Over the past several weeks, I have spent many moments in contemplation over the friendships I have lost and those I retain today.  Much to my surprise, I have concluded that most of the people who emitted the most effervescent impressions are no longer my friends.  For good reason, a falling out ensued once I  became aware of the sheer contrivances and underlying complexes lining their behavior.

In contrast, some of my dearest friends to this day are those whom, at first encounter, I may have considered relatively bland or under-enthused.  Once fate awarded me a second opportunity for reconnaissance, however, I realized just how refreshingly down-to-Earth and strong these people were.  Though imperfect, these individuals possessed all the qualities I had always valued, before flashes of pretension beguiled me.

It's precisely those people who don't feel the urge to put on a show whenever they meet someone new whom you want to know.  Otherwise, you never know when you're getting the performance or just the curtains.

Take your time,

Amanda :)

Vest: Ralph Lauren (old).  Tank: Similar here.  Pants: Ann Taylor.  Hat: Banana Republic (old).  Scarf: Adrienne Landau (old; similar here).  Bag: Louis Vuitton.

All photos courtesy of Eric Pan.

The Pilot Post

Welcome, everyone, to my fashion blog! :) This compilation of editorial and stylistic expression has been a long time coming for me, and I am thrilled to finally possess the means to share it with friends and the world at large.  A little about myself: My name is Amanda, and I am currently double-majoring in Linguistics and Legal Studies at Northwestern University, with the goal of attending law school.  Over the past two years in college, I have developed a deep passion for human rights and immigration law, which I hope to integrate into my eventual career.  In fact, I am in the process of writing a thesis comparing asylum procedures in the U.S. and Canada, particularly pertaining to women.  Above all else, I hope to secure justice and triumph for the under-acknowledged and underrepresented members of society, and to break every debilitating stereotype.

As for the reason why I've created this blog...  Ever since about 8th grade, I've embraced an undying verve for fashion.  While other kids fiddled with their Gameboys and iPod Shuffles or whatever, I was cutting up every issue of Vogue and pasting my favorite looks into a series of spiral notebooks, alphabetized according to designer and celebrity name.  That pastime continues unabashedly to this day, but I do hope this blog will bring something a little less amateur and a lot more universal and valuable out of me.

Sure, my love for fashion is a hobby, but it is also my lifestyle--an inextricable component of my being.  What I wear is not only a external reflection of who I am, but it is also intimately linked to how I personally perceive the world and what I feel some daily artistic expression--in the form of, say, a furry red scarf or some cheetah print jeans--can contribute to it.

So I very much hope you enjoy viewing my posts and reading my occasional rants...or commentary--whatever you'd like to call it! ;) No matter what you do in this life, do it your way, for yourself, and about yourself.  Trust that you will find your meaning and all that may entail, because you WILL.   And remember, a little honest experimentation never hurt anyone. ;)

All my love and appreciation,

Amanda :)

Scarf: Bloomingdale's (old; similar here).  Pin: Chanel.  Bag: Miu Miu (old).  Top: Banana Republic.  Jeans: Ann Taylor (old; love these).  Shoes: Dillard's (old; love these).

All photos courtesy of Eric Pan.